Blog
BE INSPIRED
I was at the gym the other day and a gym friend of mine was telling me of his recent holiday. He had just returned from the UK and he told me he’d gone to the UK to visit his aunts and uncles. Now my friend is of a certain age and so you can imagine the approximate age of his aunts and uncles.
He then told me that he went on a road trip to Europe with his 86 year old Uncle and that his 86 year old uncle did the all planning and all the driving.” “Gee,” I said, “I’m going to tell everyone that your Uncle did that. They’ll find it inspiring!”
“Yes” said my friend and added, “Oh my uncle is not in the UK at the moment. He’s in Florida. He has a girlfriend there.” HOW EXCITING IS THAT!
BE YOUR OWN COUNSEL
Different things make different people happy. What makes one person happy might not make another person happy. As the old saying goes, “One man’s meat is another man’s poison.”
You are the only one who can know what will make you happy. It is vital therefore, that you take time to think about what you would like to achieve and experience in life.
There are always well meaning people ready to tell you how to live your life. Do not give too much credence to what others tell you. The only person who really knows what is right for you, is you. In my years as a psychologist I met many who had acquired everything they had been told was right for them and would make them happy and they were left feeling disappointed and disillusioned.
Well-meaning people, particularly those who insist they know what’s best for you, only complicate and cloud the whole process and will most often steer you in the wrong direction.
A typical case is that of a young man who had acquired everything his mother and father had told him would make him happy. He had the permanent job, the beautiful wife, the new house, the pedigree dog and an expensive car and he was far from happy.
“I feel let down by my parents,” he said, “even a bit betrayed. Mum and Dad told me these things would make me happy and I’m far from happy.”
You need to follow your own counsel. Failure to do so could land you in a sea of misery. By the way a happy life does not necessarily mean it will be an easy one!
YOU CAN BE EXCITING
Some of you might say, “I could never be exciting, let alone excited about me! I’m boring. I’m useless. I’m old and have no confidence. I’m anxious and fearful and only mediocre at best.”
To these people I say, “You can be exciting.” All you need to do is to engage in something you find exciting and you’ll find yourself both excited and exciting.
So think of something you might find exciting and set about engaging in it.
This doesn’t mean you have to start doing flamboyant, eccentric or amazing things or involve yourself in some death defying activity. Not all of us are excited by flamboyant or arduous or terrifying feats. Different things excite different people and you’re the only one who knows what excites you. Don’t let stereotypes or the expectations of others dictate what is considered to be exciting. If you find something that excites you and engage in it, you’ll not only be excited but also exciting.
DON’T GIVE UP ON DREAMS
Don’t give up on your dreams. They could still come in a way you never imagined. Instead consider all possibilities and pathways because the way to your dreams might be way outside your current understanding. You might need to pursue things and do things in a direction you never imagined. Your mind sees beyond logic and rationale. It is very creative. It is we who restricts its magic.
So when a seemingly absurd or impossible idea comes into your mind about what you could do to reach your dreams, do not summarily dismiss it and label it as ridiculous. Instead think, “Maybe the idea is not ridiculous, maybe it’s simply outside my vision at the moment of what I see as possible.
Try not to be certain about anything. You need to think outside what you know. People who are certain restrict their life experiences.
So have an open mind and remember your time is always now! Stop lamenting over what was, and start making the most of what is. There is so much life to experience and so much more to discover about yourself and the world you live in, irrespective of your situation or your age.
THE EXERCISE HABIT
Lasting results come from a sustained effort over time. It’s not how much exercise you do in a burst, it’s what you do over the long haul that counts. You need to build a habit of exercise. To do this I suggest you work out how much exercise that , ideally, you’d like to do each week and then ask yourself how much of this you can agree to do every week for as long as you live. This will be your baseline. Your baseline might be one circuit class a week and two walks or it might be something like mine was at the start, which was, two aerobic classes a week. If you do more than your baseline, then, well done! You can congratulate yourself. However, if you set yourself more than you’re prepared to do every week for the rest of your life you might, quite possibly give up, because you’ll feel dejected and exercise might all seem too much.
But if you exercise every week, as a minimum, the amount you have agreed to do for the rest of your life, gradually, over a period of time, you will build up a habit of exercise and exercise will become an automatic part of your everyday life, just like cleaning your teeth, showering or getting dressed. Don’t expect too much of yourself at first. Aim for a manageable,sustained effort. A start stop approach to exercise is a waste of time, as it will have you on a yo-yo of fitness and shape forever. A gradual, consistent approach to exercise will bring about a lasting positive change.
I’ve been exercising regularly since I was 41 years old and in that time I’ve never heard one person, after exercising say that they wish they hadn’t done their exercise. On the other hand what I’ve learnt consistently in relation to exercise all these years are comments like, “I’m so glad I did my workout. ” or ” I’m so glad I went for my walk or my run or my bike ride.” Exercise makes one feel more in tune with life and more pleased and proud of oneself. I know what exercise has done for me and I wish the same for you.
LITTLE EXTRAS
Often what puts weight on and causes the belly to bulge is the steady addition of little, seemingly insignificant things, for example mayonnaise, sauces, gravies, and dollops of butter on this and that.
Try to prune these small extras out. You can do this gradually. For instance you might be used to having butter on a cob of corn and the idea of eating a cob of corn without butter might seem dry and uninteresting, but if you start small and gradually decrease the amount of butter you employ, your taste buds will adjust accordingly and after a small amount of time you won’t need butter to enjoy a cob of corn. In fact I guarantee that in time you will enjoy corn on the cob better without butter.
Many people say that once they’ve rid themselves of the added little extras they wonder why they ever needed them.
HELPFUL IDEA
Eating healthy is sometimes difficult when you have a partner. What do you do if your partner wants to eat, what you would prefer not to eat?
One way I found to get over this problem is to have all meals as a serve yourself meal.
This is what I do. I prepare a large platter on which I put things I particularly like and things which are good for me such as lettuce, tomato, capsicum, carrot and the like. I also include some cheese(fat reduced for me and higher fat content for my partner) and olives (green for me, stuffed for my partner), fruit and nuts, ginger, apricots, avocado etc. You get the general idea? You stack this large platter with food that both of you like. Often I microwave vegetables which I eat as is and I fry the vegetables in some oil for him. The idea is that both parties can select what they want to eat and not feel pressured to eat what they do not want to eat.
This way of doing things allows each person to decide for themselves what they would like to eat and nobody feels put upon or threatened. As far as meat is concerned both types of meat are prepared, in my case eye filet, grilled chicken or grilled or tinned fish and in my partner’s case T-Bone steak, silverside and white sauce, chops and so on, for him.
The difficulty in what I’m telling you is more in the telling than in the doing. it’s a very easy way to prepare meals and I don’t feel pressured to eat anything I’d prefer not to eat. Do take care of what you put in your mouth. As they say, “you are what you eat”
It might sound complicated to eat in a serve yourself way but it isn’t and it gives you a freedom to eat just what you want and it also gives your partner no reason to go without what he or she would like to enjoy.
BE IN CHARGE
Be in charge of what goes into your mouth. Don’t let others push food onto you. You don’t have to eat to be polite or sociable. Having a cup of coffee or a beverage of some kind should suffice. I wouldn’t let anyone pressure me into putting anything into my mouth that I didn’t want to put there.
I remember an incident some years ago. It was the occasion of an afternoon tea at the home of a relative. The host, an old man was doing the rounds offering a tray of biscuits. Seated on my left was the old man’s wife. When her husband came to her she took a biscuit. I was next to be offered the array of biscuits and when they were put in front of me I politely said, “Oh no thank you.”
My response was not appreciated by the old man who retorted harshly with, “what’s the matter, are you anorexic?” I was shocked at his reaction but I looked up at him and said politely, “No, I just don’t feel hungry thank you.”
The old man’s wife, far from being in synch with her husband, seemed to gain strength from my refusing a biscuit. Surprisingly, with biscuit in hand she moved her arm towards the plate and dropped her biscuit on it and said, “And I don’t want mine either thank you.” Her husband seemed shocked, but the old lady looked at me and beamed. I got the feeling that this act of hers was most probably the first time in her life she’d been able to assert herself and say without words, “No thank you, I don’t feel like a biscuit and I’m not having one.”
Don’t let anyone bully you into eating what you don’t want to eat. No-one has the right to expect you to put anything into your mouth other than what you choose to put there.
GO FOR IT!
AT THE AFTER PARTY IN GREECE
You can be energetic and strong and excited about yourself and life until the day you die. At 70 years of age I am strong, muscular, trim and in-shape and my face is in good nick thanks to my daily facial exercise routine. I have plenty of energy and strength and I look extremely good for my age and you can too. You need to let go of the expectations of others and live your own life. If you do something and it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t matter, you’ll be stronger for the experience. Don’t bend and do what other people want you to do if it’s not in line with who you feel you are. If your inner-self is screaming out for you to do or be one thing and others are pushing you elsewhere, follow your inner self. You simply cannot please everyone, so go for it!
Be the best you can be now
I believe life is a learning experience and the more we learn, the more we find there is to learn. At 70 years of age I sometimes feel that I know less now than when I was 17. Things seemed so clear when I was 17, because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Now I know there is so much to know.
We can all say, “If only I knew then what I know now.” Be assured, we all think we could’ve and should’ve done better. We need to forgive ourselves for not knowing then what we know now. We all at some time or other did things we regret.
We need to forgive ourselves for making silly and not so silly mistakes and for being brash and bull headed and for saying thoughtless and hurtful things and for not seizing opportunities.
It serves no purpose to regret the past. We need to think of what we can do now, not what we should’ve done then and start embracing each day as we move forward to our next experience in this life of learning.
We don’t have to be super fit or super strong. We don’t have to be switched on and amaze the world. All we need is to continue to strive to be the best we can be in every way and there are so many ways to do this, physically, emotionally and spiritually.